So this is what it feels like...

Fear. Excitement. Anxiety. Joy.

I'm a big bundle of emotions as my 'college career' comes to a close and the months and days tick down until the wedding. I don't know what to think anymore.

The reality of the situation hit when I had to fill out one of those green forms to return to student service. I wrote my name, checked the "NOT RETURNING" option, and then checked the "GRADUATING" option. Oh god, it is really happening isn't it?

Later in the week, ie today, I had another milestone moment. There stacked in their box were the wedding invitations: printed, stamped, just waiting to be slapped with silver return address labels and on the journey to the great beyond. Said address labels finally arrived today, so I slapped them on quickly...but then I froze. This is the big step, no turning back now (well technically we could, but people would be really pissed off, especially those with travel arrangements already book). I finally gathered up the courage to send them, armed with 20 or so invitation sized envelopes I made my way to the blue mailbox. I paused for a minute, then quickly did the deed before I lost my nerve. I opened the little drawer, placed the stack in there, and then flicked the lid. There goes nothing...now I wait for replies.

Post-Valentine's Day

Well in a weird and ironic twist of fate, Pete's package to me arrived a day early, but my package to him has yet to get there :( Damn the USPS and royal mail! So I'm done with my Cadbury's valentines milk tray selection box, and on to the 3rd disc of season two of Sex and the City yay. Its very addictive!

Valentine's Day

So this will be my last Valentine's Day all on my lonesome, eating chocolates and watching "Sex and the City." Well, that's if my package from Pete arrives on time via the miracle of the Royal Mail and USPS. Valentine's Day has to be one of the biggest mail days of the year, especially all those boxed flowers delivered by Fed Ex. Hmph and I'm working in the mailroom on Tuesday ie V-Day...wonderful! Luckily that's my hour and a half day, then I got to class for 2 and a half hours and learn about International Communication/Media which is pretty cool. There really is no point to this post, I'm just trying to keep from becoming one of those people who leaves their blog up because they can't let go, but never updates. And those of you who do that, yes I'm talking to you! Update your blog or shut it down...when I'm bored I like to look for updates and its depressing when no one has any! Grrr. Back to my regularly scheduled Saturday night programming of watching a movie and baking cookies yum!

I'm burnt out...

And its only the first part of the semester. I just can't get motivated, I'm always tired, and basically I just don't care. It's my last semester as an undergraduate! I say that because at some point I want to go back for my master's probably, but not yet. Things are moving slowly with both school and the wedding, and I'm a bit fed up with both. I just want it to be July, want to have a job and finally be with Pete for good. I really miss him. This week is a tough week anyway, Thursday is my mom's 50th birthday and 6 months since she passed away. I miss her a lot too, but in a more final way. It's getting to where I can't really remember the physical presence of her sometimes, while at other times I can remember it specifically even to the way she coughed. I'm working on a website for her, wanted to have it done for her birthday but that won't happen, its A Great Many Things if anyone wanted to check it out and sign the guest book.

Self-Portrait

I've been pretty crap at blogging, nothing exciting to report. Just trying to get back in the swing of things with my last semester of college underway and preparing for the wedding! I was going to blog about a lot of things but never really put it down. Maybe I've out-grown this blog? The template is annoying too, have to change it but can't find one I like - bah!

Rumor Has It

Went to go see this movie with Sara on Tuesday night. We didn't know what to expect because we went to see just because I was starting at the time we got to the theater. It was really cute and funny though. I'm usually not a bit Jennifer Aniston fan but she was good in this movie. I give it an 8 out of 10.

Happy New Year

Hope everyone has a happy and safe new year's eve and the best for 2006!!

So Christmas is over. I'm fighting jetlag from my transatlantic journey back home on Dec 23rd. Until last night, my room looked like an explosion hurled clothes and random presents all over my bed. It looked worse than it was by far! The new year is approaching, and god lets hope 2006 is better than this year has been! The wedding is rapidly approaching as well, and I'm very torn about what I want, and stressed out about our current situation (of not having jobs and not knowing where we'll end up after the 'big day'). Once upon a time we had it all planned, but we all know the saying about best laid plans.

In other news, I'm looking for a new design for my blog and ironically my MIL2B had Christmas cards with the picture from my current design, so I snagged one from her...because that picture is just too funny ;)

My Grades

Literature and Women: A

Mass Media Ethics and Law: A

Great Short Stories: A

Romantic and Victorian Literature: A

Yup I got ALL A's!!!! Very exciting as I haven't ever gotten all A's at college and this past semester has been very emotional. ;)

Pond Hopping

I've been in England since Sunday morning :)

About half way through my trip as I'll only be here until the 23rd of Dec. In a way I wish I was staying longer but I feel like I should be home for Christmas. Its been tough, because I feel the more normal here than I have in a long time and going home will just make me dwell on everything again. But oh well. This weekend is Christmas 0.5 hehe so that'll be fun. Haven't really been up to much else, I probably won't post again until after Christmas but just wanted to let everyone know I was here safe and sound :)

Thought I'd update, will probably be the last time before I go to England (on Saturday). This week is finals week so my schedule for the next 4 days is:

Monday: Mass Media Ethics and Law Final @ 10am
Then work from 1 -3 pm

Tuesday: Work from 9am - 11am. Then work on papers due Weds & Thurs

Weds: Work from 10am - 12pm. Women and Literature final @ 2pm and turn in paper.

Thurs: Romantic and Victorian Lit Final @ 10am - turn in learning letter and paper. Think I signed up to work then but I'll say I can't come in.

Pack to go home, check out of dorms, leave - probably around 5pm or so.

Then I'll be home Friday and leave for England on Saturday. But I'll be back on the 23rd right in time for Christmas.

Hope everyone had a Happy Thanksgiving! Mine was ok. Got some Christmas shopping done on Friday, and looked around in the mall yesterday. I'm officially really really broke! Luckily I don't think either family is going all out for Christmas this year (Pete's are saving up to come over for the wedding in June :) ) so we'll have a low key Christmas all around. I had all intentions of finishing my Christmas cards but that'll have to wait I guess. Been feeling depressed and unmotivated which is understandable I guess. And on top of everything I have a cold/flu bug! The next two weeks are going to be hell as far as school but then I'm off to England for 2 weeks so that's something to be happy about! yay!

New Template

How does it look? I tried it on a PC in the library yesterday and it looked all messed up but i'm my mac and it looks fine now. If it looks messed up let me know, and if anyone knows anything about HTML let me know how to fix it if it looks messed up. Thanks!

Feeling Human

I know I get enough sleep, I guess my complaint is that the scheduling of it is all over the place. Yeah I should go to a DR but I have no time right now and won't until after Christmas. Maybe then, I dunno. Slept from 8pm til 12am last night then went back to bed and got up at 6:45 I can live with that. So today I feel human.

Tiredness

I haven't had a good nights sleep in almost 4 months. I've never been on to have trouble sleeping...remember I was the girl who was sleeping on a bench in Disney at Grad Night back in the day. Thin lines have started to appear under my eyes, the dark circles are getting worse. I don't want to sleep like this, but I can't help it. I try staying up, sometimes I make it until midnight but then I sleep and am up again by 7am. So at night I'm exhausted and usually crash around 10:30 - which means waking up at around 6:30. When I'm home I usually crash on the couch watching TV ie last night I probably feel asleep around 9:30pm and kept waking up and watching bits of Law and Order then dozing off again. Argh. So I was up at 5:45am this morning. Argh Argh Argh. Should probably read or something, I stayed at home last night so I have to drive back to school this morning, after my brother leaves for school I'll probably shower and get going so at least I get something accomplished by 10am today.

Senioritis

The other day my brother said how he had senioritis in High School. Ah simplier times when everything was great. What I remember most about HS is eating lunch...on the bench next to the stairs or out on the sunny sidewalk when it was cold. Or on half days when we use to go to Steak n Shake. Anyway HS seems a million years ago now. And I'm getting senioritis of a different kind, the college version. Which causes prolonged staring at light sockets while THE MOST ANNOYING TEACHER plays air guitar and says the same wacked out phrases a thousand times. And becoming aggrivated when another one gives no structure and changes due dates faster than the speed of light. Oh and last but not least, wasting so much time on the internet or talking to others, complaining about all of this that you could be done with something important like one of the 3 papers you have to write by this time next month. By then my second-to-last semester will be over.

I feel a strange nostalgia for this place recently, but another feeling of suffication from it. I'm outgrowing it, the professors are becoming more annoying, more people know my name. It takes me a long time to become comfortable in places, but as soon as I become completely comfortable I usually out-grow them. Perhaps comfort = conformity and that's something I'm just not ready for. God knows what I'm going on about. Better go read something useful before I quit school altogether and become a traveling dog groomer or something. Now I'm just talking crap...

The Music Outside Head

Actually the music is the punk/rock variety which is blaring from someone's ipod in the computer lab. All I want to do is finish my paper for tomorrow. I'm freezing. I mean COLD. I've been getting this type of cold a lot lately, that kind that doesn't really involve putting on more clothes but warming ones insides. When I was little my mom had to cut the feet out of my pajamas (you know the ones with feet) because my feet got hot and sweated. They still do. But my finger tips and toes get as cold as ice. Must be a circulation problem or something. Well will end this here and try to concentrate on my paper and not the music that's playing outside my head.

PS Trip went well. Wedding was beautiful...some pics of the scenery on my flickr badge, the other family/friends ones are on my flickr account. If you want to see those, ask to be my contact and if I know you I'll let you see them :)

Planes and Automobiles

What's up with the font? This computer is showing all arabic and symbols instead of text! Weird! Anyway, I'm off today into the wild blue yonder of umm Newark! Fun fun. I'm excited about the wedding but I'm getting sick again/still :( My ears hurt, my throat hurts and my eyes are heavy. Argh. Traveling with my two brothers should be fun! I'll take pics and tell you all about it when I get back! Laters (expression I've stolen from Sara!)