Wednesday, November 18, 2009

I Beat Myself Up

So that's where that bruise is from...

I tend to beat myself up about EVERYTHING in my life that isn't perfect. I could do the job I have in my sleep (and the week after a McGuire course I often do). I don't like my living situation (who would after 3 years of living with the inlaws). But most of all, I'm not happy with my speech. That's the worst one of all, because hell, I should be overjoyed with my speech.

If you said to me this time last year, "Jul, you'll be able to pick up the phone without feeling physically sick in 6 months" I wouldn't have believed you.

But it's the truth, I've also done a phone interview for a newspaper article, talked to hundreds of people on the streets using Deliberate Dysfluency and my kick ass pausing, ran a few sessions of support group, did a point on the check list in front of a room full of people, and made a fool out of myself with Ali G (well someone dressed as Ali G, Elvis, a cowgirl, a princess and a few pirates).

Why isn't that enough for me? Why do I beat myself up about one little phonecall which didn't go 100% but still got my message across. Why do I let a silly comment from someone bring up all these negative thoughts? WHY?!

I need to stop doing it.

Th-th-th-that's all folks.


Anonymous said...

You and me both on beating ouselves up. After all, we must have all our ducks in a row (atleast me). The other day I was evaluated at work and mad at myself becasue I was told eveything was great, I just needed to use a little more "wait time." Yes, i must be operfect after all......but I digress. I feel your pain! Steph ;)

Anonymous said...

We are the same person Steph! Mwahaha. ~ Juls