Tuesday, November 23, 2004

Hear Hear! (Got this from Katia's blog) LOVE IT!

To the citizens of the United States of America:

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents.It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents. Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it
Devonshire, all American States will become"shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.
8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are cr*p and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.
11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer, is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager". The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine".This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices roughly $6/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

And please don't tell me I'm being un-American :)
So...I guess since I have some time I should elaborate on the weekend...

Getting my car almost towed...

Well it all started when I got to Sara's apartment and we decided to try to find something to eat and then to go out and get her a new fish since her's recently died. So we went out and weren't out very long, maybe 2 hours at the most. We head back to her place and as we pull in the driveway she says "I wonder who's car is getting towed?" You know when for a split second you don't recognize your own car??! And then we both said some four letter words and I jumped out of the car to hear the tow truck guy say.."is this your vehicle?" No its not I just don't want you to tow it for now apparent reason!!! Ummm yeah its mine!!! As he was hoisting up the back tires to tow it away. He said that for $40 he wouldn't tow it, so we went to the ATM and got some money and came back. Turns out the management at Sara's apartment didn't tell them the rules were changing to tow anyone without a decal even on weekends 24/7 and of course she didn't get me a vistors pass because she didn't think they could tow me on a Friday night at 8pm Ahhhhh. So I had to go move my car to a parking garage and then get up early in the morning on Saturday and move it to the Target parking lot for the day before we went out to where Sara had to go to do her project and then to the movies.

Getting the boot unstuck....

Well we drove about an hour from G-ville to these marshes so Sara could get data from the water there. We went to 3 different sites and at the third site she got stuck in the mudd in her rubber suit she had to borrow from the uni to go into the marshes in. This is why she needed someone to come with her, to make sure she didn't get stuck and not be able to get out. So she was done with her data gathering and she was going to get out, when she discovered her boot was stuck in the mudd. So she got her foot out of the boot and we tried everything to get the boot un-stuck. Finally Sara managed to get it un-stuck with her bare hands after trying to use all the instruments that were around ie an old water bottle, an old beer bottle that was on the shore etc. But we both got our legs up to our knees pretty much covered in gross mudd.


Anyway....the day after tomorrow is Thanksgiving!! I can't believe it!!! And in less than three weeks I will be in England!!! I'm finding it hard to get in the holiday season as its unusually hot her for this time of year - today is in the low 80's! UGH. But I need to get my cold weather stuff ready for England so the cold should put me in the spirit! I need a new pair of black gloves - as I lost one of mine the last time I was over in the winter. And I need a few new sweathers/jumpers, and Pete is buying me a new coat for Christmas so I won't have to wear my mom's coat the whole time I'm over, and I can also just leave my new one in England when I come back here. :)

I got my costume for the fancy dress/costume party on New Years. The only trouble is I can't get it zip up all the way :( So I'm trying to lose to weight to help that, but if not I think I'll just wear my button up black sweather over it to hid the unzipped zipper - I always have problems zipping up things because the middle of my back is unusually wide compared to the rest of me lol.

Monday, November 22, 2004

Nights of Lights...

Going over the Bridge of Lions into the city on the first day of Nights of Lights is usually breath taking...but this evening it was a let down - obviously like half of the city's xmas lights are out lol.

Well I had a good weekend, full of lots of funny stories to tell. Such activies included: almost getting my car towed, almost getting killed, getting a rubber boot out of very thick, dense mud, and seeing Bridget Jones Edge of Reason :) I give the movies a generous 3 out of 5 stars. It started off long, it was cute, and had some funny bits, but didn't have a lot to do with the second book besides the title. But I will see it again in England with Pete :) 3 Weeks from tomorrow night I'll be boarding the plane to go over there.

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

Measuring my life in coffee cups...or is it coffee spoons? Who can remember "J Alfred Proofrock (sp?)" when they have an article due at 2:30 and a 10 page paper due tomorrow at 8am ?

But my future mother-in-law made my day...after I received a very funny thank you card from her in response to the wine charms I sent her with Pete's anniversary package hehe. Speaking of anniversaries - our made up official "unofficial" anniversary was yesterday (6 Years) - it was the day we made up as our anniversary about 4 years ago because we don't remember when we actually met online. I'm a very bad (busy) fiancee and forgot to send Pete an ecard so I felt even worse when I got a lovely one from him last night. Only three weeks of insanity left and then I'll be okay. Well best get to work...


Forgot to mention I got my new phone yesterday. It's so cool!!! And I also got my college ring at the ring ceremony which was nice.

Monday, November 15, 2004

Wow a month from today I'll be in ENGLAND!!!! YAY!!!!! Actually less than that ;)

Been super busy...and not too much going on, and what has been going on I don't feel like talking about. My eyes really hurt, I was in the library writing a 10 page paper for 5 hours straight - but only 2 and a half pages to go! yay! Its due on Tuesday so I'm going to try to get it down tonight, its only a rough draft but anyway.

Monday, November 08, 2004

Tony, Lin, Neil, Mick, Joan and Jan (in front)  Posted by Hello

My future in-laws  Posted by Hello

Sunday, November 07, 2004

Got in a fanlisting mood, put up a link to British Comedy and British men mmmmm. For the heck of it I google "Bill Clinton Fanlisting" and got one! Was tempted to join it but I won't lol. Then I found a "George W Bush and Tony Blair Fanlisting" definitely not joining that! I think you can sense my view on Bush and I don't really keep up with Blair.

Both Sides of Now

I'm on of those weird people that love the sountracks in movies. I got the Love Actually soundtrack over the summer...and this is one of my favorite songs on there:

Both Sides of Now - Joanie Mitchell

Bows and flows of angel hair and ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons everywhere, i've looked at cloud that way.
But now they only block the sun, they rain and snow on everyone.
So many things i would have done but clouds got in my way.

I've looked at clouds from both sides now,
From up and down, and still somehow
It's cloud illusions i recall.
I really don't know clouds at all.

Moons and junes and ferris wheels, the dizzy dancing way you feel
As every fairy tale comes real; i've looked at love that way.
But now it's just another show. you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know, don't give yourself away.

I've looked at love from both sides now,
From give and take, and still somehow
It's love's illusions i recall.
I really don't know love at all.

Tears and fears and feeling proud to say "i love you" right out loud,
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds, i've looked at life that way.
But now old friends are acting strange, they shake their heads, they say
I've changed.
Something's lost but something's gained in living every day.

I've looked at life from both sides now,
From win and lose, and still somehow
It's life's illusions i recall.
I really don't know life at all.

It doesn't reflect my mood, I'm not all sulky at the moment but I've been meaning to blog about it so there it is lol.

Friday, November 05, 2004

Hello darling ones,

I started to blog yesterday I think but then I went to another page by accident and it erased. Well I'm not exactly happy about the election but it was predictable - during a War presidents are almost always re-elected. The only thing I'm glad about it that Bush will only be in office another 4 years, hopefully then maybe Hilary with run - sorry but I think she would be good. Then again I always did like the Clinton's lol.

The most exciting thing going on in my life is that the in-laws are doing a fancy dress (costume) party on New Years Eve so for the last few days I've been watching a cheerleader costume on ebay. If I get it I'll link to it, the bidding doesn't end until 10:30am tomorrow so hopefully I'll get it. There aren't any other bids on it at the moment.

Have to say I forgot to link to Expat Palette for the voting blinkie, sorry!

Well another school work weekend for me :( Oh well. Only 39 Days until I'm in England!!!!!!!!

Monday, November 01, 2004

So I did the deed, I went for the lesser of two evils, like I said to my mom, I don't really like either one of them but my dislike for the one is enough to vote for the other. I'm not sure if there will a change though. Other than that my Halloween has been uneventful, after waiting and hour and a half to vote, and having politicans come up to me and tell me why I should vote for them (local ones) I had enough trick or treating you can say lol. Then I went to a really good mexican restaurant with my mom and my uncle and his gf - "Mean Mexico" in NSB if anyone locally is interested. Its really good and pretty cheap! Finished 3 of 4 essays for Grammar Theory test, I think two of them are pretty crap but oh well. Its feezing in here, I think I'm going to watch Sleepy Hallow because its Halloween lol.