Thursday, September 08, 2005

So here I am...

I think I'm going to change the template for this blog over the weekend. Been considering closing it down but I think I'll just start a new one after the wedding, mostly about us being married, living together, probably living in England (we're back to debating this again but for now we've decided to stick to our original plan). But this template never really formatted well and I've downloaded another one from the same site so hopefully that'll work better.

Avoiding reading, its only the first full week of school and I just can't catch up with it. So glad I'm only taking 4 classes this semester! I guess all that busting my butt in previous semesters paid off..but I still feel totally overwhelmed. Oh well I'll get through it.

Been having dreams but also sleeping pretty good so I don't feel totally drained most of the time. I think I'm getting sick...or it might just be from my wisdom teeth coming in (I think my mom told me once that she felt the same kind of pressure and pain in her ears and throat when hers were coming in.)

If my mom were still around she'd probably be in New Orleans helping the Katrina victims. She'd probably load her van up with old bedspreads from the motel, that huge supply of canned goods she always kept in the house in case of such emergencies, and other stuff and drive up there. Then she'd probably bring people back with her, give them rooms at the motel to stay, and let them help out around there for payment. That's just the kind of person she was and I think thats what I miss most about her.

Today in my weird Great Short Stories class the wacko professor asked the question: "Have you ever really felt your parents' love?" And I started tearing up because I always did from my mom. In the few months before her death especially, she would say she loved me and when I would say it back she would reply: "You don't have to say anything in return, I just wanted to tell you that." And when I would get upset about anything major...most recently over my Uncle's partner's death in July... I remember how she would hug me as I was sobbing and she would hug me so tight sometimes I couldn't breath. And all these thoughts came flooding back to me in class. And just like I'm doing eyes welled up with tears.


Anonymous said...

oh girl
huge hug
keep sharing your mom with me.. im beginning to love her as well, and can see , through your love and descriptions of her , how i make my own 14 and 11 year old daughters feel when i hug them comfort them and love them up....
AND i just bet she'd of had had the motel full of people from New Orleans now... she sounds like she was such an incredible, capable, fun , strong caring lady...
and i bet those luisiana folks would have loved her "joisy" accent.
HANG IN THERE SWEETY... and i dont blame you about not getting up the energy for Madame Bovary.. french naturalism can either be great .. or a yawner..
Zola IS enjoyable , if you have to read him..
hugs from Israel

Juls said...

LOL Lizzy About the "joisy" accents lol. My mom's wasn't too strong, I guess because she away from the city in her 20's and then she moved down here back in 1986...Pete thought my mom's accent was strong until he heard my Uncle Mike who has a real joisy accent!

Still not done with MB...should have brought it home for the weekend to read but I couldn't be bothered as I have other stuff to read as well. Its for Literature and Women now we're on to short stories by other various women writers which is nice.

Hugs back from FL