We Give Thanks

Thanksgiving is something people in the UK just don't get. This is understandable, as the whole concept is giving thanks for a harvest which allowed pilgrims to survive on their own WITHOUT the British empire. To British people, Thanksgiving means a turkey roast dinner without roast potatoes or yorkshire puddings.

To an American, Thanksgiving usually means family,canned Ocean Spray cranberry sauce, Zeigler's apple cider, the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade, and commencement of Christmas movies. Or at least it does to me.

This year there will be no canned cranberry sauce and what's left of my family is almost 3,000 miles away. It's times like these that I miss my mom with every fiber of my being. I miss waking up to turkey smells in the morning, my mom's homemade turkey gravy and the day-after-thankgiving turkey soup. I miss drinking coffee on the back porch with her and fighting over what has to be done. I miss her complaining about how my sister never stayed long enough for dinner. Some things aren't the same without my mom around.

I am lucky though, I have a great mother-in-law who makes an effort to do Thanksgiving dinner for me every year. Because we are all at work, it'll be shop bought turkey loin things that just need to shoved in the oven. But it's the thought that counts.

I'm bringing some of the pseudo-Southern charm to the table (I am really from Florida afterall) and making sweet potato casserole and Nigella's version of corn souffle.

Being an expat means bringing a little bit of home to your new life. Though sometimes, I wish I could just catch a plane and be home again.

Pop-Tarts, Smores and Graham Crackers...

Being an American expat (or the partner of one) often means trying to explain American concepts like s'mores to unsuspecting (often drunk) Brits.

This past weekend I was talking to a few fellow McGuire grads on a course, this was in the bar at probably around 11pm. One of them asked me where I was from, then it got on to pop-tarts for some reason. Everyone mentions pop-tarts, they're one of those 1990's fads which even the 10 year old holiday maker will remember with fond memories.

After discussing pop-tarts and Lucky Charms (oh so magically delicious) the conversation went on to s'mores. Of course this is because the best flavour of pop-tart is the s'more flavour. After using great articulation to pronounce S'more in my semi-drunk state - I ended up having to give a semi-lucid explanation. "It's marshmellow with chocolate, put between two graham crackers. You either toast the marshmellow or put it in the microwave for a few seconds so the chocolate can melt between it."

Then I had to try to explain what a Graham cracker was... with much laughter being had at the thought of the name Graham for a cracker (again, it was getting late) I had to conclude by saying repeatedly that a graham cracker is like a digestive biscuit, but not quite.

Click here for a more descriptive explanation

I Beat Myself Up

So that's where that bruise is from...

I tend to beat myself up about EVERYTHING in my life that isn't perfect. I could do the job I have in my sleep (and the week after a McGuire course I often do). I don't like my living situation (who would after 3 years of living with the inlaws). But most of all, I'm not happy with my speech. That's the worst one of all, because hell, I should be overjoyed with my speech.

If you said to me this time last year, "Jul, you'll be able to pick up the phone without feeling physically sick in 6 months" I wouldn't have believed you.

But it's the truth, I've also done a phone interview for a newspaper article, talked to hundreds of people on the streets using Deliberate Dysfluency and my kick ass pausing, ran a few sessions of support group, did a point on the check list in front of a room full of people, and made a fool out of myself with Ali G (well someone dressed as Ali G, Elvis, a cowgirl, a princess and a few pirates).

Why isn't that enough for me? Why do I beat myself up about one little phonecall which didn't go 100% but still got my message across. Why do I let a silly comment from someone bring up all these negative thoughts? WHY?!

I need to stop doing it.

Th-th-th-that's all folks.

Looking Back...

I had to laugh at this post, my First American Expat Rant.

Can we say frustrated much?!

Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway

There's a book out there, which has been out for a long time, called Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway. I think Fear is a big part of my problem with everything. I've been browsing a lot of expat blogs recently, rekindling my "Stranger in a strange land" thoughts and feelings to add to this blog as I fancy. I was just browsing one such blog, In Tea We Trust, by an American Expat who's lived in the UK for 9 months. She talked about how she is fearful of a lot of things here, I suppose because they are so alien. Everyone has a comfort zone, and as Americans, I think a lot of us are quite cocky while in our comfort zones. When we're in that bubble we think we can take over the world, we became immune to the fear of being "outside."

And then you come to a different country, where you're the "odd one out" and suddenly you think about EVERYTHING way too much. This, for a stammerer, means that on top of the usual over-thinking you do about your speech and speaking situations, you now have a whole new host of random non-speaking (or lack of speaking) situations to muse over:

Need to open a bank account? Even though you've had one for x number of years at home, you'll need about 5 hours of your free time to spend in the bank, and proof of your address. Although, to get proof of your new address you really need a bank statements to prove it. (Figure that one out for me!)

Need to learn to drive, even though you've driven to x number of years in the states (practically since you hit puberty). Well, you'll have to start from scratch in most cases and take a stupid road theory test, and PAY someone to sit beside you and tell you all things you're doing wrong while driving. (This took me over a year of lessons, 2 instructors and 7 tests to only get an AUTOMATIC license!)

Need to find a job, even though you've worked for x number of year and have x qualifications. You'll need to sell yourself to the Brits in a different way.

They say moving is one of the most stressful things you can do, losing a loved one is also right up there. I lost my mom, graduated from college (University) with two Bachelor of Art degrees, and moved to England all in the space of 13 months. As one of my very best friends says: "Julia, you never do anything small."

So, it's easy to guess that my adjustment to the UK has been a very slow process. I think as a stammerer as well, I lost a lot of my assertiveness when I moved here. Whereas before, I HAD to talk to people to an extent. I went to college (UK term: University) classes and did class presentations (which I never did very well in but passed), hell, I even had to do a public speaking summer class. But, then with moving here, the comfort zone of college was gone, the comfort zone of my family was gone, and I was looking for a job and still very much grieving my mom. No wonder I basically became a recluse.

It took me almost three years to try to snap out of this, probably because I was fearful of changing this learned behaviour of: the avoidance of meeting new people, answering the telephone, holding back when I really want to be assertive. And since I've started on this road to recovery as it were, I find that facing my fears is the only way to move forward.

After being quite ill for a week, thank you seasonal/swine/piglet/big bird flu, I need to begin again today; I need to attack that fear that comes from being out of practice with various things. Then tomorrow I get to do a session on Assertiveness to a room of McGuirees! :)

Just Juls

I'm just Juls. I'm not one label, I encompass a lot of different things:

I am an expat.

I am an American in England.

I am a person who stutters.

I am a married woman.

I am 25.

I am a girl, or am I a woman now?

I can be over sensitive.

I am assertive.

I am neither an introvert nor an extrovert.

I am a dreamer.

I am a do-er.

I am me.

Like it or lump it, that's who I am.

I find it difficult to categorize myself anymore, and to be honest I don't want to. I don't want to be the person who is 100 different things in a day. I am just me, it's taken me 25 years to learn that but there you go. Rome wasn't built in a day.

Explaining the UK

I found this on Almost American's Blog. I thought my US friends/family may find it useful! ;)

This Land is My Land

This land is my land, this land is your land. Well...ok...it's not my land at all.

One of my reverse expat Facebook Friends (reverse expat meaning she's a Brit in the USA) sent me this great link: She's Not From Yorkshire. I'm always amazed when I suddenly remember that I'm NOT the only American in the UK. Granted, I'm not one for a huge circle of American friends who live in the UK. If I wanted all American friends, I would have stayed in America.

But, sometimes, it's good to remember you're not alone in moaning about the little things that get you annoyed as an American in the UK. Namely: visa costs, citizenship costs, how useless the American Embassy is, and complaining about how no one ever publicly complains.

The other weekend I went to visit an old High School classmate who lives in London. I was extremely surprised when I turned up at her flat (which is amazing!) and heard all the American and Canadian accents around me. For a minute, if you transported the flat to say New York State, you wouldn't have known the difference. Well, except that the kettle plugged in. It felt REALLY strange that my husband was the one with the weird accent. Usually, I'm the one that everyone does a double take with.

It's funny, in McGuire Land (as I like the McGuire Programme support network), that's something EVERYONE picks up on, my accent. I guess, before I was in control of my speech, I would say so very little that no one could pinpoint where I was from. Now, after a few words almost everyone can guess...or get it close. I have been mistaken for Canadian a few times (which is a weird kind of compliment for an American Expat from the south).*


With all this globalization, American expats can now get Oreos in Sainsbury's (white chocolate covered nonetheless) and I've even found Reeses Peanut Butter cups (made in the US, not in Canada!) in the local newsagent (note: I did not say convenience store). And, in the past few years (even since I've moved here) Halloween has become a proper holiday with decorations and parties galore. I can even go to Cyber Candy in London and get candy corn! But, however small the world becomes, no one will ever understand why a girl from Florida is OVER Worked, UNDER Paid, and OVER HERE. I guess that's just life for you.

* I must say that my family is originally from New Jersey and I grew up in Florida, so no I don't have a Southern accent.

Sometimes...

There are days when I miss my mom so much it's palpable. Those days were constant four years ago, when her passing was still fresh like the autumn breeze. Back then everything would remind me of her, a song on the radio, the smell of cigarette smoke, looking into someone's sea-green coloured eyes as I passed them on the street.

Now, however, the loss is like a bit of scar tissue. The wound is still visible in some lights, but for the most part, the pain doesn't effect me as much. It's like a dull ache you learn to live with, it's not fun or pleasant, but you know what it is and that it will always be there.

When it comes to my speech and what the McGuire Programme has helped me to achieve (because as much as I support the programme, I have put the effort in) over the past four month, I can't help but think of my mom. She's the voice in my head constantly telling me to do more, be better, work harder. She's where I get my sense of commitment from, my sense of dedication and hard work. She was a fighter and I think I have that same fight in me. Although I'm not sure if I could ever be as strong has she was, as assertive, as self-confident.

I wonder what she would have said, what she would have thought. Often times, on a bad day, I want to call her and moan about how hard it is or how difficult I'm find it. On the good days, I want to call her and tell her how well I'm doing (how many people I introduced myself to on contacts, how well the session I ran at support group went). If there are two regrets I have in all of this, it's that 1) I wish I'd done it sooner in life (not massively sooner but at least 2 years sooner) and 2) that she was here to see it. But I guess she is somehow.

On that note, I post this link as I kind of public disclosure. It's not perfect, but it's huge step in my recovery.

Feeling Autumnal

So it's Sunday, it's October, the weather is getting colder and the clocks are going back soon to give us another hour in bed and another hour of darkness. It's also the time for crunching on fallen leaves, drinking hot chocolate and almost time for the seasonal flavours in Starbucks. I love this time of year!

It's about the newness of winter approaching. Summer is gone (whatever that is in this country) and winter is on it's way. My travels to and from London for McGuire related festivities are now being done in the dark. I'm finding London contacts especially difficult in the dark, who wants to be stopped by people in the dark? But it's a challenge nonetheless. Speaking of contacts, I missed this past session because I was so tired I literally couldn't have stayed up for the journey there and back (I was asleep by 8:30pm). Also, Pete was given the festive boot by his company (aka the crap kingdom) on Thursday as well. So now he is out of work.

The prospect of Pete being out of work would have scared my sh*tless a few months ago, but with the newness of winter approaching, I think we both know it's for the best. Although, this throws a major wrench (or spanner) in the works for things like a car and a place of our own. Oh well...no one said it was easy.

All in all, I'm feeling very autumnal myself. Trying to get rid of all the dead leaves in my system (negative thoughts, paranoia, unneeded stress) and focus on being generally a lot cooler and chilled. It's difficult for me, being under the cloud of out of control stammering for so long and the iceberg of negative crap that it entails. But, although I'm still really transitional, I think I'm on the way up.

Now...if only Starbucks would bring out their gingerbread latte already...

PS I am also making an effort to get back into reading. (Reading none McGuire stuff, because, well I have a life outside McGuire...of course I do...)

Pete bought me this book a few months ago, after we saw it in HMV and a resisted the urge to buy it for myself:Pride and Prejudice and Zombies. I've only just started it, but it's just what I need. A classic tale with added gore, just in time of Halloween.

I've been MIA: McGuire-ing in Action

I keep resurrecting this blog, and then forgetting to post on it!

Things have been really good in the time in between posts. I'm progressing well with the McGuire Programme. I went to my second course in Norwich at the beginning of September, and the month since has been a whirlwind. The Monday after the Norwich course, I disclosed to the Admin girls at my work (they work on another floor) and then to Slimming World the following day (big room with lots of voice projection opportunities). Both were excitingly fearful scenarios which I think went down well. Not that a lot has changed, the girls at work do talk to me more (always good), and I've been given a new job role in work. I'm doing a few days as a PA and a few days in my current role.

Last weekend I went on a challenging Grad Weekend in Milton Keynes, which was a lot of fun and challenging as well. I did some good challenges and worked on parts of the technique that I hadn't worked on before. Namely Hit & Hold...which I'm finding really useful!

This week/coming week will also, hopefully, bring some exciting news...but I'll wait until it's official before I say anything...

I'm also thinking of joining Toastmasters International...just need a car to get to the meetings though. So that's my next mission: save for a car!!!

Resurrected

I've decided to resurrect this blog! This poor blog has been pushed aside and covered over by others things to be done. At one point I wanted to delete it, figuring I had nothing more to say. But I love it, it's a history of years of my life. I miss writing things down to remember. Silly things, important things, things worth mentioning somewhere.

So, where do we begin?

Since this blog was last updated a lot has happened, the highlights being:

My contract at The Newspaper Job ended in April 2008.

In July 2008, I applied for my ILR (UK permanent residency).

In early September I received my information back for my ILR. I also received the most expensive sticker in the world in my passport.

Also in September, I started The Property Job, which was only suppose to be a 2 month contract. I am still there.

In April 2009, the in-laws (who we still live with, long story!) finally conceded and we are now the proud joint-owners of a dog! A Sprinador (cross between a English Springer Spaniel and a Chocolate Labrador) named Bruno. He is the most gorgeous dog and we love him probably a little too much! He's around 18 months old and is an ex-customs dog. He was too pretty to work and was distracted by all the attention he received.

I FINALLY passed my UK Driving Test in May 2009.

I attended The McGuire Programme in June 2009. I'm doing fairly well on it but need to push myself out of my comfort zones more! I'm attending a refresher course in September.

And the most recent news, I've applied for a Preparing to Teach in the Lifelong Learning Sector course at the local college. This is the first part of a diploma course to become a teacher for adults (16+). My assessment/interview for this is next week! Wish me luck!

Here I am Again!

One post a month doesn't seem too bad, so here I am updating again! Not sure if anyone reads anymore and I have to add links to my friends who still blog - I WILL do that soon I promise!

Our latest news is that last week we went to see Billy Connolly live in Southend. He was wonderful! So funny!! We didn't even know he was touring until someone at work mentioned they were going and we were lucky enough to find www.ticketssoldout.co.uk and purchase the last two tickets!!

We got this mug as a souvenier:



Not too much has really been going on. I'm trying to get organized and get all the Christmas presents for my family so I can give them out when I'm home again for Thanksgiving. Hopefully I can get it all done in time!

Here We Go Again

I'm dusting off this blog again for a little update :) I spent a week with my family at home in July and it was really nice to catch up with everyone! Since then the time has flown by and a lot of good things have happened. My employment contract was extended for another 6 months, and I started to learn how to drive here in the UK. I've had 6 lessons so far and this past Thursday I passed the Theory Test! I got 50 out of 50 questions correct on the multiple choice and 50 out of 75 points on the Hazard Perception (mostly because on the first video clip I clicked too many times and it didn't count any of my responses - oops!)

The other week I also booked a flight to Florida in November for Thanksgiving, I'll only be going for a week again though as that's all the holiday I had left to take off work. Unfortunately Pete can't come with me, but we're planning a trip there for his 30th birthday next year :)

So, all in all, things are progressing nicely here. Though I'm as impatient as ever for everything to fall into place! Oh well, we'll get there eventually!

When it rains, it pours...literally...

So if you're in England you know that we're having record breaking rain and flooding all over the country. Now, I know that brits in general are OBSESSED with the weather, it's all they talk (complain) about. This time last year it was a record breaking heatwave. After months of wishing for the sun, everyone complained that it was way too hot (which is was, sometimes around 100F) in a country with little or no air conditioning it wasn't pretty. This year they predicted much of the same, but due to our friend CLIMATE CHANGE, the small island is being blessed with the opposite.

This morning I woke up to a rather bright day, luckily the rain hasn't been bad here compared to other parts of the country. So with the best of intentions I put a set of sheets in the washing machine. About two hours later, when they finally finished the spin cycle, I went to hang them on the line. The majority of people in the UK line-dry their clothing, since tumble dryers (which are built in to the washers) aren't very practical and use up LOTS of energy (spending loads of £ on the electric bill). So...I walk out in to the garden, the wind is picking up, and to the left of the house is a big black cloud. WONDERFUL. Ironically, to the right the sun is shining. After almost a year here I know the unpredictability of British weather, so I decided to take the safe (more expensive) route and shove them in the dryer.

I think I'm officially becoming British...I just waste a whole blog post on the weather! Ahahaha! Now I'll state that I'm really excited about getting away from the rain and going home to sunny (freaking hot) Florida in less than a month! Woohoo!

You Can Go Home Again...(but you might have to clean the house)

The reality of living in a different country, far from home, can never really be explained to someone. Before you depart from home you know that you'll miss your family and friends, your local area, the familiarity of it all. A few months go by, you start to miss your family, start missing certain foods and ways of doing things. A few more months pass, you start feeling isolated, like a stranger in this foreign land that should feel like your home by now (at least a little). It edges towards the year mark, and suddenly it hits you. You've been living this alternative life for nearly a year, feel a bit lonely, and totally out of touch with what's going on at home. As that mark inches toward for me (it'll be in August), I've decided that contrary to popular belief, you can go home again. So with a week off work at the end of July I'm traveling for about 12 hours each way (with connecting flights, not counting the waiting in airports bit) to go home for a week. Desperation makes you do funny things! I'm excited but realize that I will be well and truly knackered (very tired) by the time I get back!

The Great British Summer...Again?

Yes, it's official, I'm becoming more British every day because all I seem to think about this the weather. Well not really, but it seemed to be the easiest topic to start off this post. Today was an absolutely beautiful day - sunny, probably around 70F, with a bit of a breeze. But this comes after a few weeks of nothing but grey rainy days that opitimized traditional British weather. As I said in my last post, the weather was lovely in April, so many believed that perhaps the country had used up all its summer weather then. But it's back again!

In other news, my contract at work was extended to 6 months, so that my job will probably end when the British summer does (at the end of August). I'm not 100% happy in my job, it's ok but it's not what I ideally want to do forever, so I've been applying for a few jobs and have at least one hopeful response.

Something not weather related, after around 6 months going to Slimming World meetings and following the food optimizing plan, I've lost 20lbs in total! Considering I put on 10lbs after I moved here, I think that's pretty good :) I still have a way to go but it's a start :)

Yes I'm Alive, Only Just Barely

So, as so many others, I've been neglecting my electronic world to become a functioning member of the real world. I know, a total cop out. I've been super busy, it all started when I went to Scotland at the end of March for a few days to see my bestest friends Sara and Tiffany. Sara lives in Edinburgh where she's in vet school and Tiff lives in Florida. We went to HS together and they were bridesmaids at my wedding. It was REALLY great to see them and be with proper friends again. So since then I've been playing catch up with work and sleep. I had a full week of work last week, so I could have Easter Sunday and Monday off...soo I only had 2 days of work this week! Now Pete's at work and I'm bored...argh...I can never win, can I?

We got a new TV at the weekend. It's this one:


That's the extent of the news from this end. The weather is really lovely so I may go and read my driving Theory test book outside in the garden :)

How Many of Me?

My maiden name:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 33 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

My married name:

HowManyOfMe.com

There are: 2 people with my name in the U.S.A. How many have your name?

Working Girl

Well, the week is ending and a new one is about to begin. I officially survived my first week of working in England. My hours are insane: 13 hour shifts for two days, the 9 hours on Weds, and 4 hours on Sunday. Ah the hussle and bussle of the newspaper industry. I'm dealing with QuarkExpress pretty well, considering I was only introduced to it a few years ago when I did a summer course at Flagler for graphic design. I'm figuring out all the tricks of the trade (ie keyboard shortcuts) and getting faster with it.

In other news, I've given up the 365 days challenge on Flickr - I just couldn't find enough inspiration! Oh well...

Other than that we're going to be saving money once I get paid (I get paid monthly, so I have to wait until the 26th). We really want to be in our own place next year if possible. Pete's been laid off from his temp job (again) but they should be calling him again soon, so they said, he's not holding his breathe and looking for other work in the meantime. Oh, AND he's decided to start an Open University degree in Criminology and Psychology soon :) I'm VERY proud of him for deciding on a career focus.

Well, that's my update so far for March. I CAN'T BELIEVE it's already March!!! Where has the time gone???!!! One of these days I'll get to adding all my friends links too...lol.